I’ve been a little quiet since I posted my Kimberly Dress Pattern review. I’ve been struggling with a few things with my mental health and although that is not over, I am beginning to get over the slump to focus on the now.
I absolutely love Christmas and do all I can to try and find the magic that I used to feel as a child. I don’t ever come close any more, but seeing Georgia’s excitement was wonderful this year. She was an absolute trooper too! She had the chicken pox whilst we were away and was just amazing about it. I on the other hand cried. Being in the Isle of Man with my Mum, Sister and Nana was really wonderful. 4 generations together on Christmas Day was heart filling.
I am however, not a fan of new year. I find the pressure of the “New Year, New Me” and looking back over the past year, very difficult. Even though I’ve achieved some pretty cool things and done some wonderful things and made great memories; I find it hard to drown out all the rubbish that has happened too and often focus more on the disappointments and things I haven’t achieved more. Also waking up on the 1st of January doesn’t change who I was on the 31st December. If things really could change over night, well…the possibilities would be truly endless.
So that is where I’ve been, trying to claw my way out of the negativity I’ve been feeling and displeasure with myself. I feel that since Christmas is over, I’m not too sure where to go with much of anything next; but that is just something that takes time to progress and I’ll figure it out. There’s also a few big, frightening things happening in 2019 and I’m not sure how to deal with it.
Georgia turns 3 at the end of the month. I have been a stay at home Mum and spending almost every single hour of every day with her since before she was born. She has never been to nursery and I’ve never even spent a night away from her in all of that time. She is also still nursed to sleep which I have decided to stop in February.
Turning 3 and means, pre-school. More than ever I feel the pressure of the “go back to work” and “find a job” but I desperately want to be able to be there for her. Take her to School, pick her up, be with her on holiday’s etc. I think I’ll be the one suffering from the separation anxiety when it eventually comes around, but I am thinking of holding that off until September.
I am deeply unhappy with myself too. I am now the largest I have been since Georgia was born. I am an emotional eater and that means a crazy load of yo-yo fat gain and loss over the years. It’s also extremely hard for me to get out of because when I’m unhappy, I eat. I’m unhappy with how I am and where I am, so I eat and so the vicious circle goes on and on…
There’s been no miracle, only this morning I have had my “click” moment and I am determined to start changing some habits, try and look forward, not back and be a better role model for Georgia.
So where does that leave my sewing?
- When I sew for myself, I have decided I am going to make the size smaller than what I am until I’m where I want to be. This is so I have a goal of getting in to the garment that I have made.
- I want to do more sewing for others and do some “stock” sewing, see if I can create a little collection of things and perhaps do a craft stall by the end of the year.
- I’d like to sew more for Georgia, but at the moment she has so many clothes, it would be wrong to add to them.
- I’d also like to have a go at making my own patterns, but not sure how to go about that just yet – it’s a bucket list item.
- I definitely want to do more pattern reviews and perhaps even some testing, if I can.
- For the blog, I’ll continue to write and try for 1 a week and I’ll be starting up my Beginner’s Blogs again too.
For now I want to say thank you for all your wonderful support and comments in regards to my Kimberly Dress Pattern review and thank you so much for your support, likes and comments so far in everything else.
Here’s to growing with the changes in 2019. Have a good one beautiful people.